Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2011 9:13:44 GMT
Have you ever just not wanted to be here any more? I've been thinking if I felt this world on my own accord would I go to a bad place?? More things have happened in the family and my heart is breaking,my mother who I don't get on with because shes a racist and nasty lady,well I found out she sat down and had a meal with the man who sexual abused me for 8 years and raped me when I was 16 y/o. Just for the record this man is my mothers sisters husband.At the time she wouldn't let me go to the police 'got to keep up appearances you know' Pity she never let me go to the police because he abused another 2 little girls,there could be more he hasn't been caught for.
My daughter joined the army,I was so proud,she did 4 years but left to be with the man she loved,now shes pregnant and hes denying hes the father.
My eldest son who has always been my rock has left home because he can't live with his dad any more but he won't speak to me either.
Is all the pain worth it? am I being tested by a higher power? I don't won't to be here any more,I want an out. I've talked to Kev till I'm blue in the face he won't listen,it hurts when you love someone but they love ale more............any offers on talking to him and telling him how hes ripped his family apart?
I have found an all womans hostel but theres this boldly Paris holiday,I've been the travel agent 5 times,I will lose all the money and its nearly a 1000.
What do I do,go on the holiday,have a miserable time and then leave when I get home? So many things goings around my head,I must of done some really bad things in another life to have all this bad karma.
I have no Friends only you,my real Friends who support me and understand me and will always be here for me,I love you all.
All my love and more Suzy
|
|
|
Post by STORMDANCER on Oct 13, 2011 9:29:16 GMT
Suzy bless you sweetheart you are having a bad time. You must let go of things in the past no matter how bad they were because they will eat away at you. close the door and live in the now so you can make a great future. let your mum do what she has to because its only her that will have to deal with the consequences of her actions not you. Karma has a great way of coming back and biting people in the arse!!
Your daughter is big enough and old enough to sort her own problems out Hun you have your own to deal with. I don’t mean to sound harsh but she should have maybe spent a few years with this man to really know him before she decided to bring a child into this world. She will have to sort this out not you.
Your son has done the right thing credit to him. You should have done this yourself a long time ago. but you know my feelings on your ‘husband’ I have no respect what so ever for the man if that’s what he is??
I think that you have to sit down and think about everything that has gone on and also remember that if you allow it to carry on then you can only expect more of the crap that you are getting. Is the holiday worth it??? Well if it was me there would be no way in earth I would even breath the same air as that man let alone go on holiday with him. But this has to be something that you need to think about..its only money that you will loose your sanity is worth more.
Peace and Love
Storm xxx
|
|
|
Post by celtic stardust on Oct 13, 2011 9:37:47 GMT
Definitely agree with what stormdancer says. Letting go is a hard challenge to accomplish but once done you will feel much lighter for it. I understand where you are coming from because in my past during forced relationships I've had my own share of abuse and verbal abuse. The previous relationships I've had were all about control and possession. It is hard to let go off the feelings that swim with it and the forgiving of the other person is hard especially if you feel a grudge for them.
However, if you focus on the positive and try and count your blessings at this time draw that positive energy to you... the karma the old lessons from past , you can cut the cords to them as well you know with the help of AA Michael should you wish to. Healing thoughts and prayers going out to you at this stage in your journey, sounds like a difficult time for you. Don't give up whatever you do! Keep hanging in there and focus on the blessings instead of the negative. Negative thinking will just attract more to you... you just need a shoulder to cry on. I would lend you mine but I'm a full computer and internet pond away!
|
|
|
Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 13, 2011 17:00:00 GMT
suzy you just need time to recoop with so much happening around you its clouding your vision of what it is you need or want to do to move forward . i know its easy for me to say but ride the tide i have been there when your realy low and i know that you dont realy mean it your a strong person even if you dont see it . not having any you time is eating away at you and with other things happening in your life its a real big build up of things . i know whatever you decide todo in the future will be for the best for you but untill you clear your thoughts you wont see what you need to do to move forward you will know and it will hit you inbetween the eyes this edge that you feel your on like your tipping over is your giant step you are going to have to take to get clear of all things to start again be brave and strong suzy i feel you have some hard thinking to do i have to say and im not sure why .that all these wrongs cant be right if the shoes fit so be it work on you . you have forgotton who you are and need to find yourself again . other poeaple are enjoying thereselfs while you pick up the pieces . your pain has got to the point of no retern and you must move forward leaving the past behind . i have just been shown the 9 of clubs the 5 of hearts and the 10 of diamonds i have no idea what it means maybe another here can explain . thats a reading on its own suzy i will look up on it and come back with a reading for you .....
suzy just try to step back a bit to refocus dont make any rash decitions i feel you have to be crule to be kind before things will get better . but the person you are is trying to surface . you will get there ok . put the mirrord protection around you to reflect the negativity back to whome is giving so you can regenerate your energy .ile come back with a reading on the cards for you .
hugs suzy things will pan out for you where you can see some light .
AngelGabriel
|
|
|
Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 13, 2011 17:26:30 GMT
the 9 of clubs the past.
Trouble: Represents arguments with good friends. A loss of a relationship, a dispute that will remain unresolved.
card 2 the 5 of hearts the precent .
Indecisiveness: The querent's inability to make up his/her mind on a subject. A tendency to make and break plans with others.
card 3 the ten of diamonds .the future.
Money. Money being the driving force of a journey or partnership.www.talisman.net/tarot/regcard.htmlthese must be right for what come from spirit .
hope you can make sence of these cards .
Hugs & Blessings .AngelGabriel
|
|
|
Post by THE GREAT OZ on Oct 13, 2011 20:41:26 GMT
I pulled a card for you my friend and got the upright STRENGTH card. It is interesting how the right card turns up.
All these things are causing such anger for you and you must be strong and by all means this anger needs to be released for if it is not it will eat you alive and cause you to feel you don't want to be here. This is not healthy and we need to some how turn this thinking around.
I feel so much pain, anguish and anger all swirling around you from holding all this inside for so long. Perhaps now is the time to let some of it out.
As an adult you have the right to feel angry but if you do not work it out of your system the results are not usually good. Maybe you have spoken to the people in your life about how you feel or perhaps you have a fear to or they are just ignoring you. You do have the right and power to confront your anger and anguish over these things.
I have walked more than in mile in shoes like yours and if it is not dealt with it only creates more pain and agony. Take one thing at a time and work on releasing it and getting your life back in order. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel now but as you work on each of these problems in a singular nature rather then all at once they will seem so much easier. You are like me, I bundle everything up and then when the load gets too heavy I explode, inside and outside.
I still back slide occasionally and I know this lesson only too well. We get blinded sometimes by things of this nature. Tell these people how you feel. there is only two choices for these people when you do. They will either deal with it or not. This part is not your problem. So if you choose to confront your mother, fine, maybe she won't talk to you for a while, she will come around and then maybe not, but again this is not your problem. She has let you down once already so what do you have to fear?
Your daughter and the man in her life not taking responsibility is also not your load to carry. You love her and now you feel she is being treated wrong and have taken her pain upon yourself. Once again, as a mother this is normal and you can feel for her, but in essence it is still her problem as an adult to work out.
In your sons instance I offer the same advice. He will come around at some point in time but do not take his pain either. Children, regardless of their age, will always be a worry for that is part of the job description of a mother. We have to let go and let live for did not our parents do the same, if not then it is time to break the cycle.
Life is not fair sometimes, but we do have to make it work for us not against us. Give yourself some credit for the Strength it took to make this post. That is a big leap right there. Please know that we are here for you and what I say may feel harsh, but it is from the heart with your best interests in mind.
This card tells me you are strong and always have been and don't turn your back on yourself as you have made it this far give yourself a pat on the back. You have the strength it takes to overcome these problems and I have faith in you. You are truly never alone for you are wise in many ways and this will guide you in the right direction.
Be the lion in the above picture and face forward and be who you are and not let anyone tell you otherwise. You are precious in your Source's eyes and you have the gift of strength to back you up so use it wisely to help you through this time.
We all here at the site will always be your cheering squad. I know we all need that in life and I for one have needed it also. So you are not alone but surrounded by people who love and accept you for who you are and it is a beautiful, wise and a wonderful woman full of love.
Go on your holiday and leave all this behind and cleanse your spirit for it is way past due. You have earned it. have a wonderful time and be happy.
Bless...OZ
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2011 7:49:35 GMT
I love you all so very much xx I have never really shared with anyone about my childhood abuse,except for doctors and psychiatrists.It has impacted on my life in so many awful ways,I don't know why I shared this post,it just felt like the right time.My dream is one day when I'm whole again I want to help children and women like myself. I have sorted out a womens hostel called the Zero Centerer www.zerocentre.org.uk/I have been totally honest with them,they suggest I go to France and then move into the hostel,I pray for the strength to do this,with it being right before Christmas it will be harder. I know this is something I MUST do,I believe with your support I will do this. I can't thank you all enough for all the time you've taken out listening to me and pulling tarot cards for me. You are the best friends anyone could ever ask for and I appreciate you so much. many hugs and much love Suzy xxxxxx
|
|
|
Post by THE GREAT OZ on Oct 14, 2011 16:47:14 GMT
Dear friend, it is because we care.
Bless...OZ
|
|
|
Post by celtic stardust on Oct 15, 2011 11:55:54 GMT
Hey Oz, what deck is it that you were using to pull that card? I'm looking for a new one and it looks to be like a beautiful deck!
Suzy, we all go in a different direction sometimes and if France is sitting right with you at the moment then I would say go with the flow..you are a strong person and that strength is also showing. IF you have a favourite song to listen to also now might be the time to listen to it... to uplift your vibrations!! Music often does uplift vibrations. It sounds like you could do with a retreat away from it all at the moment as well, so this might just be the break/break through that you are looking for! So just try to take every day as it comes. Live for each and every day. I hope it all becomes smoother for you and less rocky than what it's feeling like at the moment.
love and blessings, CelticStardust
|
|
XANTO
Guide
[M0:0]Born Gay Follow the Ray - Born Straight Refuse to Hate
Posts: 231
|
Post by XANTO on Oct 20, 2011 22:35:10 GMT
Its quite simple suzy...make the life choice...draw the line..stand strong ..and march on to the most amazing life to come for you...leave the shit behind.
xanto x
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2011 9:44:01 GMT
Thankyou Zanto,I have moved on now with alot of help from our members.
love suzy
|
|
|
Post by marianne 50 on Jan 9, 2012 5:46:04 GMT
i have been abused at the age of ten , and now i am 51 and finally i can handle this situation. i found peace in praying and forgiving , not that what has happened is ok , but it doesn't upset me so much anymore . love and light to you , sending my prayers towards you
|
|