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Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 10, 2011 17:53:48 GMT
I'm writing this post for all to see and comment on with there thoughts on things that have happened to them .
Losing A Child / Husband / Wife / Nan / Granddad / Dog / cat / etc .
Ive lost both sets of grandparents and i found it to be upsetting .
but nothing companied to when my daughter died .
wow the not noing if your coming or going your numb i done all the wrong things i drank my life away.
Alcohol is not the answer it only momentarily blocks out the pain.
but i done everything that was possible for our daughter even done things that many couldn't .
besides what i done for our daughter i forgot about my wife i still kick myself for it even now .
the trauma you go through with the stress hits you so many ways its really not good.
i cryd once and i swore i would never cry again as she wouldn't want daddy to see her cry .
i held in my pain for so long i couldn't talk about her for a long time it was so raw .
now it put such a strain on our marriage and our other kids but we got through it even now 8 years later it still hurts but its got essayer nothing takes away the fact that we are supposed to go before our children .
but what helped me was the thought that shes not in any pain / hurt / suffering / shes in a better place .
my grief was put to the side and i had to get on with things as it affected my wife badly even now its a really raw subject but shes getting better and is only just starting to open up a bit .
thats taken 8 years .
so really what I'm trying to say is we grieve in different ways.
please keep a level head you can explode on people that haven't done a thing .
grieving can take a long time to ease i don't think it ever goes but it does get essayer i promise you it does .
it does help also you will get times when you get a blank in bits don't worry it will come back in time its part of the grieving process to block things out
if you need any help or guidance please ask we are here to help you .
many here if not all here have all gone through losing someone close .
we can listen and maybe give our advice
and honestly from my own experience its better to talk about things it helps .
what did you do to help you through your grieving time i ask this because it will help others through there grieving .
if your strong enough to talk about things talk to us here and others can see its not only them to have this sadness around them and how do you feel now about it has it got any essayer .
this is a tough subject to discuss for all but a real important topic .
everything stays on site that is read and nothing gets repeated to others we value your trust as we hope you value ours
Hugs & Blessings .
AngelGabriel
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Jill
Pathfinder
[M0:12]
Posts: 95
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Post by Jill on Oct 13, 2011 9:43:10 GMT
I have lost uncles,grandparents,friends and boyfriends and various family friends theses have all been upsetting and as time has gone by. It has become easier. However, my brother passed away in January and this has been one of the hardest things I have had to go through in my life. Lots of people have said "time is a good healer" and yes I would agree with the other people I have lost in my life, but because we were all so close to my brother it is totally different. I am grateful for people saying it as I know they truly are just being caring. But I don't think time will ever heal my pain however I have learnt that as times goes by you learn to live with it because you have to. I don't know if it is any different because of the way he died or because he was my brother.
I would say at the beginning, up until at least 6 months after he passed,I have been in shock so although I probably cried myself to sleep nearly every night and every time i talked about him i cried even though they say this will help, it didn't x On many occasions I have spoke to yourself Angel and you have helped me tremendously and I will be eternally grateful for that. I have also had many private messages with Monaro which also I am extremely grateful.
Talking does help, even if it makes me cry it is helping. I am beginning to remember things I did with my brother as we were growing up, not all yet, but more, which is good. Through the day I feel Mark is with me and now I can smile when I believe he has sent me a sign. Something I couldn't do at the beginning. I still cry I still get sad I still cant believe he is gone, and never coming back, and still feel the pain he must have be in before he passed with how how died, and wish we could have helped him, but I am trying to come to terms with it and believe hope he is happy now. And as much as I am a firm believer no matter how many people tell me he knew I was with him when he passed, I really would love confirmation from him but I am sure one day I will get it.
So keep talking and learn to remember the lovely memories you have of your love ones you have lost x I also feel I have been able to help people that have also lost their loved ones and I think that helps me too as I enjoying helping people.
People grieve in many ways and deal with things differently. You have to do whats right for you and there is no wrong or right way. Im still having good and bad days.
But I will ALWAYS be grateful to Spiritspathways
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
But I know I am very thankful for spiritpathways !!!!
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Jill
Pathfinder
[M0:12]
Posts: 95
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Post by Jill on Oct 13, 2011 9:47:14 GMT
sorry put the last bit twice lol
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Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 13, 2011 10:48:10 GMT
Thank you jill for sharing Well done yes i agree totaly 100% with what you said we have had many chats now .
things do come back to us part of the greiving process is that we blank things out unwillingly but in time things do come back your barriers are starting to lower again well done.
your doing great jill im proud of you
i would like to thank monaro for helping to suport you .
this is what makes our site unique from others on the net .
we all help each other you have also been great in your own way jill .
you have helped me to your a kind caring person and im glad your with us at spiritspathway.
Hugs & Blessings .
AngelGabriel
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Jill
Pathfinder
[M0:12]
Posts: 95
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Post by Jill on Oct 13, 2011 19:23:33 GMT
Thank you as always Angel hope this helps other people xxxxxxxx
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Allegra
Seeker
[M0:2]I Sprinkle My Pixie Dust To You In Love
Posts: 44
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Post by Allegra on Oct 13, 2011 20:00:50 GMT
I do not know how many times I have opened and red the posts regarding this topic. I just can’t leave and wait for others to write.
I have lost good friends and I have lost my unborn little baby. Both is a loss but in my heart, I can feel a difference. Thinking back of my beloved friend, I can smile when thinking back of our great times together. I am thankfull that I was able to get to know her. I still hear her voice. She loved saying to me “smile a smile and if you smile, smile another smile” her favourite words to me, when I was stressed at work. Very often I speak to her. And so it is with the other friends I have lost. I can hear their voices and some things they told me, which will always stay with me.
When I lost my baby, the world around me stopped moving. I was in a big shock. It was a Friday afternoon and there was no doctor around for the operation the weekend. I had to carry around my dead unborn baby . It was so cruel of the doctor and I still cant believe that he did not take it out immediately. My family did not know how to deal with the situation (understandable, cause my sister in law was pregnant as well. Same month like me) and ignored me. My husband and my child were there for me and gave me all their love . The more I tried to be “strong” and pushed it away from me, the worse it got. I knew I had to deal with it. I did not have anyone to talk to. People can be so cruel sometimes with words like “you can be thankfull for your child you have” . Of course I was thankfull!
There is so much on my mind , I could write pages and pages.
A few years later, after I gave birth to my second child (which was a terrible time for me), I got so sick. There was no doctor who could help me. My body was weak and I was at the end of my strength. I prayed to please let me die. But he wanted me to just listen to m body !!! I went to a lady that helped me out of my deep black whole. I cried all my sadness out. It was so good talking to someone. She understood what I was going through.No pointing finger to me. Just a big understanding !!!! I took a lot of time for myself. Started searching in the internet. I found a page with lovely poems other parents wrote who also lost their children. I printed out a little poem with a picture that gave me comfort and put it onto my desk. I still light a candle and speak to my little one. He is part of my life and I know we will meet some day.
The pain will always be there. There are so many people sitting in the same/similar boat . We can reach out to another, holding each others hand , giving love, understanding and to just listen what the other person wants to say.
Let us light candles for another, sending love and light to another.
I thank you AngelGabriel that you have started this thread.
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Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 13, 2011 20:35:08 GMT
me and my wife thought we was the only ones my heart goes out to you our daughter was exactly the same the wife had to go 24 hours with the baby inside .
i got so low to a point of taking over 80 tablets and a little girl sat at the end of my bed telling me it wasnt my time mummy needed me and things was going to get better it was my daughter we had 2 more children at the time when our daughter passed away and when the fourth come there was and still is with all of them a panic she died a day befre she was due .
the last child that we had i deliverd and she was and is the double of our other daughter when she came out she was blue i was holding her in my hands blowing in her face and nothing i was just about to smack her bum gently to shock her and she cried what a relirf i carried one coffin i swore ide never do it again .
it took a lot of courage allegra to write it down i commend you for that and just know that you are not alone if you ever need to talk im here ok .
thank you for posting that got me like nothing else has as i thought it was just us .
our daughters in the stars now and all the kids look for her star everynight especialy my youngest of 3 .
as well as myself theres peaple here if you need to talk even if its just to get things off of your chest .
its no problem at all just p m me and if you want me then cool if not and you want a lady to talk to i can arange someone .
Hugs & Blessings .
AngelGabriel
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Post by THE GREAT OZ on Oct 13, 2011 21:06:20 GMT
I do not think we really ever get over the loss of someone we love. We just learn how to deal with it. Regardless of how the loss incurred it is still a part of the overall life lesson on how to use our coping mechanism.
Remember the good and happy moments. It took me years to come to this conclusion especially after the passing of my mother. I felt as if my world crashed. But time is what it took to heal these wounds. And then it dawned on me if they were with us they would not want us to take all the pain and not do something constructive with it.
As the bad memories come to mind of losing someone, let it go and balance it with a good and happy memory for that is the kindest way to heal the wound. It is hard at first, but as the painful memories slowly get washed away, it only leaves good things to remember in your heart. For these good memories we tuck away will take most if not all the pain away.
Try and remember their spirit lives on in you. And you are the master of the creation of these memories. Make them happy ones.
For all the bad memories there are twice the good ones to take their place. Talk and share what you feel with others for this makes the memories just that much sweeter. It is why we are here in the forum. If we haven't felt what others have, then we have given each other food for thought and those of us who have felt as others do will share, like this, so we know that we are not alone.
This is family and family takes care of its own. I am honored to be a part of all your thoughts. Sharing is not an easy task. We all need the support of others and this in itself keeps me happy and secure, hopefully all of you too.
Bless...OZ
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Allegra
Seeker
[M0:2]I Sprinkle My Pixie Dust To You In Love
Posts: 44
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Post by Allegra on Oct 13, 2011 23:20:51 GMT
I already have slept my first round. Something woke me up and I felt I just had to switch on my computer again. And I am glad I did. I was so sad when I went to bed tonight. Dear AngelGabriel, I thank you for sharing. I am crying for all the pain you and your family had to go through and for the pain still there. How strange that people always assume that the pain is gone, just because one got another child. Every time I hear of someone lost a child, I live through all the pain again. I also look out into the sky and pick out my special star. Thank you for talking to me and for you and your family it goes the same. Please contact me if you want to share or cry with me. Every single tear is one gramm less pain.
Great OZ, thank you for your kind words. Again I am so happy to be part of here. To be able to talk and read. Yes, it is nice to think of the good memories one had together , if a loved one is taken away from you so fast, it is difficult to think of the good memories. they feel so less.
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Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Oct 14, 2011 19:37:22 GMT
Allegra your sole is pure as is your heart your a good sole & i speak for spiritspathway when i say im glad your with us you will do great here thank you for the kind gesture .
Hugs & Blessings .
AngelGabriel
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Post by tina on Nov 4, 2011 20:40:28 GMT
i dont feel we ever get over lossing people we love and hold so dear to our hearts however i think as time moves on and that happens in a flash we learn to live with it.
24 years ago i lost my elder brother and the pain is still there but our childhood memories have come back over the years and it is good to be able to talk to not only members of the family but his friends and girlfriends he had plenty of them in his short life here so many people tell me how he made them laugh.
i do feel him around me at times which is a lovely feeling.
although the pain is still there i have so many memories that help me deal with it.
also recently we sadly lost our step dad and its the first time since chris died that i felt the numbing pain again i am struggling to remember his voice,smile and his ways of dealing with family situtions he was my mums rock and his passing shocked us all as he was so young.
i know that eventualy we will remember all those things we find hard to remember but untill then his picture is hanging pride of place in all our hearts and houses.
i hope this all makes sense to those who have read this
love and big hugs
DREAMANGEL
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by julesjules68 on Jan 7, 2012 16:29:40 GMT
My first post here.... drawn to where my heart aches the most!
Hi everyone... I'm Jules.
Do we get over loss? NEVER! or should I say "I"!
A few of my losses... a 3 month old son, I also had to walk around w/ dead children inside (twins at 5 months along) and the wait almost killed me because I started hemorrhaging, a best friend, and recently a uncle.. and like I said... that is just a few.
The last has been called... for a long time now... just a test run for my own mother. SO To say the least my faith is shaky! (something I thought unmovable)...Now... I run on memories and the hope there is something better out there and that my loved ones are waiting for me, or hear me, or are spiritually helping me. But I'm not so sure anymore! That thought alone make me hold on and NOT left go of my grief. Because I'm afraid its all I got left and I never want to forget!
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Post by paulmurdoch1975 on Jan 7, 2012 20:07:14 GMT
Aw Bless you my Friend My deepest condolences my wife only had to carry our daughter for 1 day the same way and that was a day before she was due as the partner knowing the wife i can totally understand i really want to reach out and give you a hug .
Julie if you need to talk to a stranger as i find its easier that way I'm here OK if you find it easier to talk to a woman that can be arranged to.
it does get easer but you never forget it still tears my wife up to this day .
she died 8 years ago .
I'm here if you need to talk things over OK .
Hugs & Blessings .
AngelGabriel |
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Post by julesjules68 on Jan 8, 2012 4:00:34 GMT
Thanks bunches... the children I lost was long ago! ~ my son would be going on 22 years old now and the twin boys 21 years. I at the time had 1 child and now have 3 more. (YES I had 7 kids.. yikes huh?? LOL)
Sounds like you and your wife had an even worse experience then myself. So many things seem so unfair! We try and do everything right only to have everything go wrong! and then your left with so many unanswered questions! (Maybe I need a good medium? LOL)
I do appreciate the talk offer though and please remember the same is extended to you and yours.
Blessings xo
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Post by angelofselfgiving on Jan 28, 2012 14:02:27 GMT
I don't believe we get over (death) you lose a bit of yourself when a love one passes I have lost many people in my life and
I find my self so alone some time even when I have people around me it feels as though no-one understands how lost I feel
My Ellie who was my stepdaughters baby came to live with me to die and sadly just before 6 months they came for her
They was such a pain of lose my heart broke I think of her every single day miss her so much it's so hard to move on but I
Do have peace in knowing she can breath again now and she's pain free don't think I'll ever be the same person again not tell we're together again
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